“I am quite candidly a dreadful golfer, said Willie Geist, the TV Everyman who I invited to cover the 2011 Masters for Golf Digest. He was questioning whether he deserved the assignment. I only really play at the public nine-hole on Shelter Island (N.Y.), where the Caesar salad in the clubhouse gets more grooming than the fairways. Golfers by nature are putdown artists.
I was reminded of this when I was flipping channels and heard Willie effusing about golf now that hes rediscovered the game playing with his 16-year-old son George. I find it sometimes meditative, more often maddening, but really, really hard, he said, and thats what I like about it. Youre with your son or your buddy. Its four hours. Youre outside in the sunlight, youre hanging out, youre actually talking. Nobodys on their phone. So Ive come to fall in love with it the last couple of years. Wait, but thats not the point.
Willies conversation turned to his guest, the journalist Jim VandeHei, whos asked if he plays golf. Yeah, I do. Im terrible, he said. I like golfing, but I really do suck at it.
And there it is: the universal confession of all golfers. Were dreadful, were terrible. Despite loving the game, we suck at it. Why are golfers as a species so compelled always to proclaim our suckage?
Earlier this year, Viktor Hovland said he sucks and in the next round shot 65 at Pebble Beach. One day Im great, the next day I suckthats golf, said John Daly. DJ Steve Porter not surprisingly did a compilation rap with Charles Barkley titled, I Suck at Golf. Tim Schantz, who is the CEO of Troon Golf, said to me the other day: I dont understand it. I meet hundreds of people every year, and 99 percent of them say the same thing: Oh, I play, they say, but I suck at it.
Fishermen dont say, Oh, I fish, but I never catch anything. Neither do skiers or tennis players. You never hear, I ski, but Im lousy at it. Or I play tennis, but I stink. Runners dont say, Yeah, I run, but I fall down a lot. You dont hear boaters or race-car drivers or amateur pilots admit it either. Youd probably sprint in the other direction if they did. So why do golfers revel in saying how bad they are?
When you say youre not very good, maybe youre just acknowledging it before someone sees for himself. Youre really saying, I hold myself to higher standards in other parts of life, but in golf I come up short. I asked the golf coach Jason Goldsmith, who works with Justin Rose. Were already negotiating the bet, he said. Social humility is an inside jokewere laughing at ourselves.
Maybe its because golf is the most brutally honest sport there is. It lives in cold, hard numbers. Your failures are exposed naked on every shot, in every score, and theres no hiding behind teammates. Theres all this time for observation and self-assessment. I am what I am, and thats self-deprecating, said Michael Bloomberg, who has accomplished so much in life yet holds a 22.0 handicap index. Bill Gates is a 20.9, and its there for the world to see on GHIN.
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. That quote, which used to be painted on our office wall in New York, is widely attributed to Arnold Palmer. The first time I saw it, I had to smile. I knew Arnold Palmer. I used to play golf with him, and theres no way Arnold ever said that. Arnold didnt use adverbs. He spoke in declarative sentences. I never heard him say, I suck at golf, but I could imagine him saying it. He knew the universal struggle thats an essential part of the games identity. We play the only sport where the best in the world can look like the worst, and the worst in the world can hit a shot as good as the best. Arnie knew better than anyone: Theres solidarity through suffering.
When you admit you suck, what youre really saying is, Hey, Im part of the tribe. Im a golfer.
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